That's my secret I'm always angry

It seems like some people express certain emotions more than others. Some people mask emotions better than others. I like to think that I'm one of those people. I smile I laugh I joke around but deep down inside Im a really angry guy. Sometimes I feel like my anger consumes me. I don't  yell I don't scream I don't punch holes in walls as much as I would like to do this I'm not prepared to pay my landlady for the damages. If I could I would just scream at the top of my lungs until I lost my voice. But then again I don't want anyone to look at me like I'm just some crazy man yelling and punching holes in the walls for no reason. I'm more implosive than explosive bottling up my emotions.  I don't want anyone to think that I'm ready to snap and go on a shooting rampage or anything of that sort. Despite my rage I try my best to be a decent human being. Maybe it's my frequent habit of isolating myself that leads me to the point where even someone touching me can irritate  me? Maybe I'm not exerting all of my excess energy? Maybe I'm just upset because I feel like I haven't reached my true potential?  Who knows at times I feel like there's something wrong with me. Have I been so out of touch that I don't know any other emotion besides anger? Has my constant use of my anger as fuel become somewhat toxic to me. Today I  shared a link on mantras for running. Before I posted it I thought to myself wow it's like night and day because the majority of the mantras there were all somewhat positive or uplifting. My mantras are always fueled by anger "you can't stop everyone around you wants to see you fail" "youre tired what the hell is wrong with you" "you're never going to finish". I fear failure and ridicule that in turn makes me angrier. I look at this as taking a negative and trying to make it something positive. For now I feel as though this really is the best thing I can do. That and what I'm doing now as far as putting down my thoughts. I really do think at times that perhaps I'm not the only one who feels this way. Are there others like me who think that happiness comes in spurts and can't be a constant thing? I really don't know and quite frankly I really don't think I ever will. All I can do is continue to do what I've been doing. Just go with it stop breath count whatever helps control what I have pent up inside of me. Even my uncertainty on the matter is beginning to agitate me. Well let's see if a good nights sleep will help to ease my mind until next time thanks for reading & stay green