Finally home been a little while since I've written anything. Spring came and went summer is here and I'm a year older. Happy to be blessed with another year of life. Still unsure about the future though. Little caught up in the present at the moment. Not that that's a bad thing I've been able to travel see my family spend my birthday in Las Vegas and will be visiting California for the first time next month. All of this I still feel in the back of my head that I'm standing still. About halfway done with eating season and ive packed on a couple pounds. Was pretty focused on just maintaining. But now I'm putting the wheels in motion to get back into fighting shape. I'm relieved to know that I don't have another eating contest for the next 3 weeks. I can finally start prepping my meals and get an adequate amount of sleep I've had decent placings my last couple of contest. So I'm really not hurting for money relieved to know that once I'm done with my shift at work I can go home and not have to worry about putting in any overtime which in turn gives me more time to rest and get my ass in the gym. I know I've said this before I do enjoy competing in the eating contest but at the sametime it's not something that I love doing kinda feel conflicted now that because I'm still not where I need to be fitness wise or weight wise in order to fight. Although I had fun little too much fun during my birthday it was another wake-up call that I'm not getting any younger I don't feel as though I'm getting old especially way women do I just feel like I'm not where I need to be and I'm the 1 hindering my progress. I set a goal for myself to be down to 5 percent by the time my birthday came around and I know that I'm far from it. My diet has been so crappy over the past couple months. Trying to find time to cook to exercise work & traveling and doing contests really is a balancing act that I'm not used to. I've always been an extremnist from what I've been told and I've come to realize that it's true. I'm the type of person who needs time to focus . I feel as though once I do focus then I can pour myself 110% into what it is that I'm doing. As of tomorrow I'm back to a regiment I'll finally fast the first time about a month and prep my meals for the week. As much fun as I've been having this is actually something that I'm really looking forward to. Party can't last forever. everyone needs structure now and again. I really do find solace in having that. You know in the long run it pays off and only helps to be prepared. Pretty soon the balancing act will be over and I can drop off the tight rope and walk on solid ground. I know there's going to be a point where have to decide whether I want to keep this balancing act up and if the little bit a fun than I'm having now will benefit me in a long run. I'm still undecided as how long I'll have to make a decision whether it will be in September October or next year in March. But either way in September or October I do plan on taking time off for eating to make sure that next year I am in peak physical condition and can begin fighting again if I haven't already begun to do so in the fall. I know what I used two be and I know where i can be and it's not where I at right now but I'm working on it, & the balancing act continues for now
