No new friends

Friendship has multiple meanings I guess it really is in the eye if the beholder. A lot of people loosely  throw the word around but really have no essence of its value. Anytime you make an introduction to talk about someone this is my friend or my friend so-and-so. But is that person really truly your friend what makes them your friend the fact that you work with them? The fact that you might share a common interest? The timeframe in which you've known them? That you're  friends on Facebook? In my eyes I feel like all of these things can become null & void in an instant.  I'm one who really does believe that life is all about making connections. Despite the fact that I'm not a people person that I can be socially awkward and that I keep a pretty small circle The connection that you have with others has to be exactly that a connection. Not saying that you mesh up together well that you have multiple things in common I perceive it that if the two of you were a piece of rope that was not in a loop then there would be no connection. They say friendship is a two-way street. You have to put in the effort to maintain it just like how you tend to plant you give it water and sunlight but if  it doesn't have these things it will most likely whither up & die. I feel as though with a lot of my friends or so-called friends that the connection is lost that if we were a plant that our leaves are starting to wilt if we were a rope we're slowly starting to lose the knot that has tied together. It may not be through lack of contact or conflicting schedules. It's just the feeling you get when you don't feel any of the love that you have for  a person reciprocated back towards you. You don't necessarily have to talk to someone every day in order to get that feeling or know that they're thinking about you and your well-being. Sometimes you just know. Its simply whether or not you wish to accept it. Bring into reality the idea that the connection has lost that despite whatever circumstances  brought you two together that whatever is going on in the present is enough to keep the two of you apart. Not apart as far as  distance the connection and bond are just gone. Ultimately I know that I'm not perfect. And some of the things that I'm mentioning now I may be guilty of doing not keeping in contact not thinking about someone whos close to me losing the connection but I really do my best to try. If I'm your friend I try to be a friend to the end. Whether you're wrong or right despite your flaws and imperfections despite any disagreements that we may have. Sometimes I don't feel as though the friendship that I am willing to give to others is directed towards me. A person can be your friend one day and then all of a sudden become a friend of convenience. The type of person who only calls or thinks about you & wants to be around you when they need something from you or want something. I'm to a point now where I feel as though I don't need that in my life. I don't have any time or space in my heart for friends of convenience and persons of circumstance. If there is no connection then I can't truly call you my friend & if we're not friends then it will be extremely difficult for me to let you into my circle and make that connection just based on how guarded I am & the fact that I feel as though the friendship that I'd be willing to give you would not be given to me in return. Hence the title of this blog. A true friend isn't an outsider looking in its someone who's  a part of your life through thick and thin through all the good & the bad no matter what. True friends really are hard-to-find nowadays. But for all of my true friends I just want to thank you for everything you've done for me. Despite our time together lack of time together conflicting schedules just knowing that you think of me the way I think of you is something that I value & hold dearly. If you're reading this you know who you are there's no need to mention  it. Just know that if you are thinking of me then I'll definitely be thinking of you. I'll do my best to water the plant & to keep the knot tight. Thanks again for reading.